Be a Hero/Heroine to Yourself!
I expended lots of energy seeking heroes and heroines to look up to, rather than realizing that my energy might be better spent finding the absolute hero, heroine within me. I have begun to understand that as a result of being brought up in poverty (although everything is relative, and others may consider what I judged as poverty to be middle class, etc.,) I was almost addicted to almost always struggling economically. Then, that habit of economic struggling was subconsciously almost my “comfort zone” or what I was used to, so it became a boilerplate blueprint to model, or even to engineer a self fulfilled prophecy for all future emotional struggling, and all my relationships were stormy, to say the least.
Now I have an ABSOLUTE relationship with myself. This was done by GRANTING myself the validity I tried to get from others. You, too, can have an absolute relationship with yourself, by granting yourself validity instead of seeking it externally. You may have to go through some difficult times, times that involve emotional vulnerability. But we ALL have experienced emotional vulnerability, we all have been bullied, or if we have escaped being externally bullied, we have consciously or subconsciously often bullied ourselves, i.e., guilt of some sort, either of religious, ethical, and/or social, cultural, moral, legal, etc., derivation.
For me, all the emotional struggling spiralled into a kind of social desensitization, where instead of feeling empathy, I viewed the entire society, the entire culture, as being bullying. I wanted to retreat into social isolation. However after a period of reflection, that included a necessary R&R, I realized that, like in “The Wizard of OZ”, I always HAD my VALIDITY (symbolized by Dorothy’s red glitter shoes, with heels that she merely had to “click” to achieve “HOME” i.e., the essential self, the valid self, the self that is limitless validity to itself).
How To Trust Your Long Distance Love
The one thing that destroys more long distance love affairs than any other is a lack of trust. It’s so very easy to be overcome with jealousy over the slightest thing and to allow your imagination to run amok if your significant other so much as mentions getting involved in any kind of social activity without you – particularly if it involves “work colleagues.”
Work colleagues are the bane of most long distance relationships. Who are they? What do they look like? Are they (horror of horrors) a member of the opposite sex?
The feeling of helplessness at being excluded from these elements of your lover’s life is extremely difficult to deal with – even if you’re the most laid back person alive. The fact that you’re probably indulging in very similar solo activities to your long distance love is irrelevant – you absolutely know you’re not going to cheat!
So how do you deal with the pangs of jealousy and resist the urge to interrogate your lover every time you get on the phone?
It really isn’t easy but it does take us back to trust, and the bottom line is, in order to trust one another you have to first and foremost respect each other.
Make no mistake, you will never rid yourself completely of the anxiety that comes when you can’t see what your long distance love is up to, but if your relationship is built on respect, then the trust will follow.
Of course, respecting each other means not indulging in wild parties or long nights in a club, but it is so much more than simply not doing something that you know in your heart your partner wouldn’t like; it’s treating them the way you want to be treated yourself.
How to Strengthen a Long Distance Relationship
There is quite a huge number of people who, when asked what their fear regarding a relationship would be, will answer being separated from the one they love. Maybe it is part of our human nature to fear getting separated and away from our loved ones. However, the theory that every person who gets separated from their loved ones will end up hurt or crying does not apply to all.
If we take time to look around us, we will notice that there are many couples who are not with their partners physically. Due to their work or for some other reasons, they are unable to be together for some time, and it is alright. Some may not have survived the distance but a number of these people in long distance relationships have. The secret? They know how to deal with the distance.
In every relationship, one always has to trust the other. Without the trust, nothing will become of them. Trust is one of the most important things two people need to have to keep a relationship going strong. When a person does not trust his or her partner, this may be reason enough for both parties to end what they have going on.
Always keep the trust because once their trust in you is smeared, it is quite difficult to win it back.
To maintain healthy relationships, there must be communication. It does not have to be an hourly communication. What couples need is a regular communication of how the other is doing, a chance to talk and spend time together, even if it is just online or through the phone. A long distance relationship advice that helps a lot would be to establish an effective route of communication.
Tips to Staying Faithful in a Long Distance Relationship
Many people have the misconception that when in a long distance relationship, it also means that you are in an open relationship. It may be fine in some cases wherein both parties involved in the relationship have come to the decision that they are not exclusive. However, there are those who decide that they are going to go steady even with the distance. In this case, getting someone to take over the place of your partner for the mean time is not a good idea.
There may be several factors that could influence a person to stay faithful to their partner who they are away from. Although they may vary from person to person as it is a case to case basis, one can always find a way to go around these factors and avoid them.
Do not entertain anyone who flirts with you. There are people who will take the advantage of your partner being away. As they know that you are in a “vulnerable” state, they will try to convince you that it is not your partner but them you need.
In the case of girls, some guys will pretend to be a “friend” and be there for you when you have problems. Although not all of these guys have ulterior motives, some guys do. It is important that you be cautious. Trust is very vital with long distance relationships.
Keep busy. At this point, you have time to focus your attention on other important things such as your studies or your work. This will be the time wherein you are going to keep yourself busy so you can momentarily forget that you miss your significant other.
Do not imprison yourself in your relationship. Allow yourself to grow whenever you can. In this case, whenever you are not with your partner.
3 Reasons Why People Fear Commitment
The relationship cycle is a simple one. You meet, develop your connection through dating, as you learn more about each other your relationship deepens, and then, if you are still together you reach the stage where you want to spend the rest of your lives together and you marry, at least that’s the theory. In order for a relationship to become richer and deeper you have to keep moving forward, the final natural step in a relationship is marriage. If you have a good relationship together then this should present no problems, but all to many people fear taking that final step. There are many reasons why people fear commitment. The situation is not helped by the fact that the divorce rate is so high. Maybe it’s a reflection on our consumer driven society, if it’s broke then get a new one, why waste time on fixing the old one…
Fear Of Being Hurt
No-one wants to be hurt, we all want to lead happy lives, but real life is not like that. Far too many people have been through divorces, some more than once. Relationships today can form and disintegrate with frightening rapidity. If you have been hurt before, then you will be wary of it happening again. If you have been hurt multiple times then you are going to shy away from anything that could take you through that pain again. If you have endured repeated relationship break-ups then it is understandable that you become a bit fatalistic about relationships. Why should you want to set yourself up to go through all that pain and hurt again. Have you looked at why those relationships failed, have you tried to achieve closure on them? Every time that you went through a failed relationship and didn’t achieve closure it added to the baggage that you are carrying and it will poison your life. If you ever hope to find happiness then you will have to deal with your ghosts first.